Jaws – the remake.

Does this photo of a big inflatable fish ‘attacking’ a building have connotations of the classic movie ‘King Kong’, or does it sink to the bottom because a fish doesn’t have quite the same charisma as a gorilla?
In the film ‘King Kong’ the gorilla first attacks and then develops a bond with a pretty blonde woman – could a fish first attack and then develop a bond with a human being?

Big inflatable fish

For example, could the film ‘Jaws’ be re-made so that the savage and vengeful shark discovers a passion for the ship’s captain who is determined to kill him?
Could the scene when those huge jaws (the shark’s jaws, not the captain’s) open to devour the captain be re-written so that they open tenderly to embrace him.
This would be a great scene from an environmental point of view. It would really get the message across for the pro-shark lobby, for those that wish to protect the shark from extinction. The message being: ’sharks are just like us – they have feelings too.’
Obviously, there would be a few minor issues over realism – over whether a shark really would fall in love with a human being. Even so, surely it’s possible that at least a bond could develop between shark and man.
For those that doubt this – let’s face it, there are always a few doubters, here is some information that may make you change your mind.
Ok, here it comes..
My goldfish will eat from my hand!
Obviously, a goldfish isn’t a shark. But it’s a starting point. It’s a basis from which to work. If a goldfish will eat from one’s hand, who can say for sure that a shark won’t eat from one’s hand? Obviously, I wouldn’t care to guarantee this, at least not without adequate and preferably comprehensive third party liability insurance.

In this remake of ‘Jaws’, the shark has been downscaled to a goldfish

Actually, a goldfish would be ideal for a re-make of ‘Jaws.’
Firstly, goldfish are gold, which is a nice colour. I’m not a casting director but it seems to me that if you’re casting a fish in a leading role a nice colour is pretty important.
Secondly, goldfish are small. The scenes where the goldfish angrily rears its head to reveal its gaping jaws could be shot in a goldfish bowl. The splashes could be created by stirring the water in the goldfish bowl with a cocktail stick.
Thirdly, people can relate to a goldfish. People have goldfish as pets. When they see a goldfish first attacking and then developing a bond with a human being they might think ‘Oh my God, this could be my goldfish!’
Obviously, goldfish attacks on human beings are very rare. In fact, there are no recorded instances of goldfish attacking human beings, not even in goldfish-infested waters.
Really, this is irrelevant. Shark attacks are relatively rare, but when they do occur the effect is dramatic.
There seems to be no reason why a goldfish attack should not be just as dramatic, but it might be a good idea to point out that they are very rare. Maybe a small footnote at the end of the credits.
To avoid mass panic, mass hysteria, mass evacuations of major cities, it might be preferable to allude to the fact that they are very rare, maybe with a line like this: ‘it is normally perfectly safe to change the water in your goldfish bowl.’
On the other hand, it might be fun to add: ‘but can you really be sure…’